Ranker: Recent Quotations Lists

Dattebayo! Here's our ranked list of the best Naruto and Naruto Shippuden quotes, including videos or pictures of each scene. The popular anime series that had you craving ramen and tapping into your chakra contains so many great moments, with epic monologues as well as emotional and inspirational dialogue between the characters. Pain, Itachi and Kakashi are often credited with some of the greatest lines from Naruto, but we've featured great moments from other characters as well. Even when villains die in Naruto, it still hits you right in the feels thanks to their emotional dialogue. This list of top Naruto quotes may contain spoilers, so if you aren't caught up you might want to be careful with what you look at here. Think of this as a best of Naruto page, where you can add your favorite moments if they're missing!

Vote for the epic Naruto moments you like the most, and downvote any that you think aren't as great. We're leaving this list open to add things, so feel free to include your favorite Naruto moments if it's not already here. You can add funny lines from Naruto, or any amazing ones that were said during fights and battles as well.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-naruto-and-naruto-shippuden-quotes/ranker-anime,

If You Want To Kill Me
"If you want to kill me, despise me, hate me, and live in an unsightly way... Run, run and cling to your life, and then some day, when you have the same eyes as I do, come before me."

Itachi to his brother Sasuke.
Pain's Epic Speech
"We both want the same thing. We both want the peace Jiraiya spoke of. You and I are no different. We’re both working for our own justice. The justice I have meted out against Konoha, is exactly the same as what you’re trying to mete out against me. Everyone feels the pain of loss the same. We both know that pain. You are working for your justice, and I for mine. We are just ordinary people driven to revenge in the name of justice. But if revenge is called justice, then that justice breeds yet more revenge. And becomes a chain of hatred. Living within it, aware of the past, predicting the future. That is what it means to know history. We cannot help but know that people cannot understand each other. The world of ninjas is ruled by hatred." -- Pain's epic speech

Why Are You So Weak?
"You are weak. Why are you so weak? Because you lack... hatred."

Itachi to his younger brother Sasuke when the two first meet years after the massacre of the Uchiha Clan.
I'm Not So Terrible After All
"Itachi…It seems that in the end…I'm not so terrible after all."

Kisame's last words to Itachi before dying.
Lower Than Scum
"Those who break the rules are scum, that's true, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum."

Kakashi to Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke following the bell training challenge.
A Hero Always Arrives Late
"A hero always arrives late." -- Naruto Uzumaki
You Spikey Aloe Vera Bastard
"Hey, you spiky, ale vera bastard!" exclaims Naruto to Zetsu.
Gaara and Sasuke
Gaara: Can Sasuke come out to die?
Kakashi: Not now...
Gaara: ..... how about now?
Genius Doesn't Matter
"A genius, huh? What does that mean? Genius? So I was not born with a whole lot of natural talent, not gifted like Neji ... but I work hard and I never give up! That is my gift...that is my ninja way" -- Rock Lee
The True Measure of a Shinobi
"A Shinobi's life is not measured by how they lived but rather what they managed to accomplish before their death."

Jiraiya philosophizing before tragedy strikes.

Get ready to use your Bankai, because we've created a list of the best Bleach quotes with videos and images to accompany each moment. The extremely popular Shonen anime series that introduced you to characters like Ichigo, Orohime, Rukia and others has so many epic quotes and monologues. Bleach quotes can be epic to the point where you become pumped up to conquer challenges in your real life after hearing them, which is why we decided to take a look at some of the greatest moments from the show. Kubo, Aizen and more popular Bleach characters are all included in this rewind to some of our favorite Bleach lines, along with other characters from the hit anime and manga series.

Vote for the best Bleach quotes you like the most, and downvote any that you think aren't that good. We're leaving this list open to add things, so feel free to include your favorite Bleach moments if they are not already here.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-bleach-quotes/ranker-anime, quotations, people, animated, anime, other,

Retain The Shape of a Human
"Be proud, that after receiving my blade you still retain the shape of a human." -- Kuchiki Byakuya
The Power to Crush Destiny
"The power to crush destiny looks like a blade that is swung down." -- Ichigo
A Person Picks Up A Sword To Protect
"Think about it this way: a person picks up a sword when he's trying to protect something. Perhaps it's your life or your social status, maybe a reputation, a loved one, or personal beliefs. The motives may be completely different, but in the end, it's the same desire to protect something." -- Yoruichi
Truth
"Truth only exists for those who cling to it" -- Aizen
Your Opinions Will Be Rejected!
"From this point on, all your opinions will be rejected!" -- Ichigo

The Furthest Thing From Understanding
"Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding." -- Aizen Sousuke
Why Are Big Brothers Born First?
"You know why big brothers are born first? To protect the little ones that come after them." -- Ichigo
Monkey Trying To Capture The Moon
"Shall I tell you the difference between you and I? It's level. It's like the story of the monkey trying to capture the moon. No matter how he struggles, it's just the moon's reflection on the water he sees. So he only sinks into the water. Time after time, he sinks." -- Byakuya to Ichigo
Two Types of Fights
"Remember this well. There are two types of fights. The fight to protect life and the fight to protect pride." -- Ukitake
That's The Death I Want
"I wanna be cut so that my breath is gone before my body hits the ground. That's the kind of death I want to have." -- Nnoitra

The Best George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld History

To celebrate the most inadequate man in television history, here are the best George Costanza quotes in the history of Seinfeld. Videos of each scene are included when available, so you can watch George Costanza's greatest hits right here on this page. We've also noted what season and episode each quote is from, just in case you want to watch the entire episode. From "shrinkage" to "jerk store", these truly are the funniest George Costanza lines of all time. George, brilliantly played by Jason Alexander, easily had some of the most memorable moments from Seinfeld, so honor him by voting for your absolute favorites. Are we missing one of Costanza's greatest quotes? Mention it in the comment section, and there's a good chance it will get added to the list!"
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-george-costanza-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

He's Getting Upset
"George is getting upset!"

Season 6, Episode 18- The Jimmy
George the Architect
"Why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect."

Season 5, Episode 14- The Marine Biologist
It's Not You, It's Me
"You're giving me the 'It's not you, it's me' routine? I invented 'It's not you, it's me.' Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me."

Season 5, Episode 6- The Lip Reader
The Sea Was Angry That Day My Friends
"So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on...and as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment - I was a Marine Biologist! The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli! I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, 'Easy big fella!"' And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!"

Season 5, Episode 14- The Marine Biologist
Lord of the Idiots
"For I am Costanza...lord of the idiots."

Season 2, Episode 5- The Apartment
George on His Accomplishments
"You know, If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent."

Season 8, Episode 21- The Muffin Top
Shrinkage
"Look, you don't understand. There was shrinkage."

Season 5, Episode 20- The Hamptons
I'm a Great Quitter
"Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up."

Season 4, Episode 18- The Old Man
It's Not A Lie If You Believe It
"Jerry, just remember...It's not a lie if you believe."

Season 6, Episode 15- The Beard
George on Lesbians
"I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual'"

Season 3, Episode 13- The Subway

With Better Call Saul finally here, we've decided to take a look at the best quotes from the iconic series Breaking Bad. What do you get when you combine a cancer-stricken meth dealer, his cop brother-in-law, and a handful of degenerate drug dealers? Well, you get a hit series with a crap-load of badass and epic quotes, that's what. These are the funniest and best moments from Breaking Bad, along with videos and information about which episode each line is from. We've included quotes from Walter, Jesse, Gus, and even Skyler (sorry haters, she's actually a pretty great character, minus the happy birthday scene). If one of your favorite Breaking Bad quotes is missing, let us know in the comments section and we'll be sure to add it!
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-breaking-bad-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

Empire Business
"Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business, or the money business... Neither. I'm in the empire business."

Walter White, Season 5, Episode 6- "Buyout"

He's Just Gonna Break Bad?
"Some straight like you, giant stick up his ass, age what, 60? He’s just gonna break bad?"

Jesse Pinkman, Season 1, Episode 1- "Pilot"
Protect This Family
"You know what Walt? Someone needs to protect this family from the man who protects this family."

Skyler White, Season 4, Episode 6- "Cornered"
Say My Name
Declan: Who the hell are you?
Walter White: You know. You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.
Declan: Do what? I don't... I don't have a damn clue who the hell you are.
Walter White: Yeah, you do. I'm the cook. I'm the man who killed Gus Fring.
Declan: Bullshit. Cartel got Fring.
Walter White: Are you sure?
*Declan looks to Mike, who is shaking his head*
Walter White: That's right. Now, say my name.
Declan: Heisenberg.
Walter White: You're goddamn right.

Season 5, Episode 7- "Say My Name"
Minerals
Marie- They're rocks, Hank.
Hank- No they're minerals, Jesus Marie!"

Season 4, Episode 2- "Thirty-Eight Snub"

I Spent My Whole Life Scared
"I have spent my whole life scared – frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen. Fifty years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine. What I came to realize is that fear, that's the worst of it. That's the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world, and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth."

Walter White, Season 2, Episode 8- "Better Call Saul"

Jesse James
"Just because you shot Jesse James, don't make you Jesse James."

Mike Ehrmantraut, Season 5, Episode 3- "Hazard Pay"
I Am The One Who Knocks
"I'm not in danger Skyler, I am the danger. A guy opens his door and get shot, and you think that of me? No, I am the one who knocks."

Walter White, Season 4, Episode 6- "Cornered"

A Half Measure
"The moral of the story is...I chose a half measure, when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again. No more half measures, Walter."

Mike Ehrmantraut, Season 3, Episode 12- "Half Measures"
A Man Provides
"And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man."

Gustavo Fring, Season 3, Episode 5- "Más"

The Best Saul Goodman Quotes From Breaking Bad

In honor of his new Breaking Bad spinoff, we're celebrating Saul Goodman by looking back at some of his best quotes of all time. Played by the hilarious Bob Odenkirk, Goodman stole the show in many an episode with his witty insults and interesting analogies. Now that Better Call Saul is out, you can expect there to be 10x the amount of amazing Saul Goodman quotes. The list below includes both gifs and memes of Saul's greatest hits, so take a break from cooking and enjoy some of these hilarious lines from the sleaziest lawyer in the world.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-saul-goodman-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

He's got a point

No offense, Mike

And he's so generous with his compliments

Saul's always looking out for your best interests...

Always picking up on people's physical traits

Oh how wrong he ended up being

He's good for a zinger or two

True poetry from a true sleaze

So in tune with today's youth

To be fair, the resemblance is there

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 movie quotes bring the time-bending laughs back for a second edition. The sequel of the 2010 comedy film was directed by Steve Pink using a screenplay by Josh Heald. Featuring many of the original cast members plus some new ones, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 opened in theaters in the United States on February 20, 2015.

In Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Lou (Rob Corddry), Nick (Craig Robinson) and Jacob (Clark Duke) are all living the high life as a result of knowing the future. Lou invented the Internet while Nick, with knowledge of which pop music songs would be hits, created those songs years ahead of the original artists. Both immensely profited and became famous. But when Lou is shot, the guys reunite to revisit their hot tub time machine to go back in time to prevent the shooting.

But instead of going back in time, they guys are sent to 2025 where they have visibly aged and fell out of fame and fortune. This isn't entirely bad, as they soon learn that the shooter came from the future, plus they meet a number of old friends, like Lou's love Kelly (Collette Wolfe) and the hot tub repairman (Chevy Chase), plus some new ones, like Adam (Adam Scott).

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 joins the February 2015 movie release calendar alongside other films such as Kingsmen: The Secret Service, Fifty Shades of Grey and Jupiter Ascending.
http://www.ranker.com/list/hot-tub-time-machine-2-movie-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

Rip Off Any Pop Stars Lately?
Nick: "Ever since I wrote "Call Me Maybe," back in 92, I've been on a roll."
...
Jacob: "Hey Nick, rip off any pop stars lately?"
Nick: "Today I recorded an original piece... Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song."

Using his knowledge of which pop songs would be hits, Nick gained a ton of fame and fortune by recording those same songs years before they were created by the original authors.
We're 10 Years Into the Future
Jacob: "We went 10 years into the future."
Nick: "Whoa, I'm distinguished."
Lou: "I should shave this, right?"
Jacob: "F*** you for making me bald!"
Nick: "You look like a turtle crawled out of his shell."
Lou: "You look like an egg gave birth to another egg."
Nick: "You look like Gandolf the poor."
Lou: "You look like the least-popular kid in the cancer ward."
Nick: "You look like you've never made a correct decision."
Jacob: "Ever"
Lou: "I have definitely given a back alley b***job."
Jacob: "I gotta admit. I kind of like this."
Nick: "You look like Billy Zane's d***."
Lou: "Except not as pretty"
Jacob: "That's fair."

The guys poke fun at one another when they see themselves in the mirror in 2025. While Nick looks like an old from the Cosby Show, Lou has some intense facial hair and Jacob's bald head looks like, well, something else entirely.
We're Divorced?
Lou: "We're divorced?! Kelly, we're soul mates!"
Kelly: "I should have married you. At least you didn't hit rock bottom."

Upon arriving in 2025, Lou is upset to learn that he and his soulmate Kelly have divorced. Meanwhile, Kelly sets her sights on Nick.
Ready for Another Dip?
Jacob: "We need to find the point in time that things went wrong and fix it."
...
Nick: "Ready for another dip?"
Lou: "I think this time maybe I'll invent yoga pants."
...
Nick: "How far back did we go? 2025!"

To sum up the plot of the sequel, Jacob announces that to prevent Lou's shooting they need to revisit the hot tub time machine and go back in time to stop the event from taking place. Unfortunately, they don't land in the past, but actually the future.
You Guys Need to Save Mankind
Repairman: "You guys need to save mankind."
Lou: "Or we could just go to a strip club."
Nick: "High five"
Jacob: "Did you just say, 'high five' instead of high giving?"
Lou: "High five"
Jacob: "You don't have the energy for this?"
Nick: "High five"

The hot tub repairman urges them to use said hot tub time machine to save mankind. The guys have other priorities, like going to a strip club and arguing about proper high five procedures.
I Want to Be in the Beatles
Lou: "Let's go back to the 60s. I want to be in the Beatles."
Jacob: "Ha, ha, ha, ha! You're Ringo!"
Lou: "Dammit!"

Lou wants to go back to the 1960s to become part of the Beatles. He gets his wish but it's not exactly as good as he imagined.
Smells Like Hatred
Nick: "Smells like hatred"
Jacob: "The only thing he put in his body was Doritos and poison."

Nick and Jacob are sickened by the smell that comes from Lou's farts in the hot tub. It's not a pleasant scent but considering Lou was close to death shortly before that, it shouldn't be surprising.
Patriot Lou
Nick: "Patriot Lou, he looks like Captain Crunch had sex with Paul Revere."
Lou: "You guys gotta come with me."
Jacob: "Why?"
Lou: "We've gotta make America happen, bro!"
Jacob: "You're not going to be super welcome there but we should totally go."

The guys are surprised when Patriot Lou arrives out of the hot tub time machine and asks them to help him make America happen. While Jacob knows that black man Nick won't be well liked, he encourages them to go anyway.
Was It Morally Wrong?
Lou: "Was it morally wrong to exploit our knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? That hot tub time machine turned us into kings!"

Lou reflects on what he and the others were able to gain as a result of their hot tub time machine, including the moral aspect of their choices. In the end, he's quite happy with being a king as a result, well, until someone decides to shoot him.
The Father of the Internet
Lou: "I'm the father of the Internet."

Having the knowledge from the future about the Internet then creating it himself, Lou is pretty proud to call himself the father of the Internet. He is now, however, too modest about it.

The DUFF movie quotes follow what happens when one teen learns that she's the token designated ugly fat friend at her high school. The comedy was directed by Ari Sandel using a screenplay Josh A. Cagan adapted from the book of the same name by Kody Keplinger. The DUFF opened in theaters in the United States on February 20, 2015.

In The DUFF, Bianca (Mae Whitman) is shocked to learn that she is deemed the DUFF, or designated ugly fat friend, among her group of pretty female friends. While besties Jess (Skyler Samuels) and Casey (Bianca A. Santos) deny the claim, Bianca vows to break out of that role as the approachable one and into the role of the datable one. So she enlists lifetime best friend Wesley (Robbie Amell) to whip her into shape.

Together, Bianca and Wesley work on Bianca's image, style and, most importantly, her attitude. But things get dicey when Bianca gets a date with crush Toby (Nick Eversman) and deals with token mean girl Madison (Bella Thorne). With all the work ahead of them, the journey to unDUFF Bianca is one that will surely tax both her and Wesley.

Allison Janney, Ken Jeong and Romany Malco co-star in the film which opens alongside other great February 2015 movies such as Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Kingsmen: The Secret Service, and Fifty Shades of Grey.
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-duff-movie-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

You Can't Take it So Literally
Wesley: "You can't take it so literally. A DUFF doesn't actually have to be fat or ugly. You know, it's like Tony Romo is a Dallas Cowboy. It's not like he rides a horse."
Bianca: "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about."

Wesley tries his best to use an analogy to make Bianca feel better about her DUFF title. Unfortunately, she doesn't quite get the reference. She might not be the only one.
Designated Ugly Fat Friend
Bianca: "Let's talk about labels. The classics still exist, jock, geek, rocker, mean girl. But what I didn't know, was that I had a brand new label."
...
Wesley: "Where your girls at?"
Bianca: "It's actually not my job to give you intel on my best friends."
Wesley: "It kind of is though as their DUFF."
Bianca: "Sorry, as their what?"
Wesley: "DUFF, D-U-F-F: designated ugly fat friend"
Bianca: "What did you just say to me?"
Wesley: "It's not like a big deal. every group of friends has one, you know, the one who doesn't look as good, thus making their friends look better. The one who's easy to talk to because no one's trying to get with them. You friended up! Good time!"

Bianca is shocked and surprised to learn that she too has a high school label, and not a flattering one. While her best friend Wesley doesn't seem too bothered by her label as the designated ugly fat friend, Bianca doesn't take it well.
Like a Prison Yard Out There
Principal Buchanon: "It's like a prison yard out there."
Mr. Arthur: "Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?"
Principal Buchanon: "Have you not seen Dateline, Catfish, Pretty Little Liars?"

Principal Buchanon and Mr. Arthur take cover when the high school girls get ugly. While Mr. Arthur takes it in stride, the principal has seen enough television to know when he needs to seek shelter from the storm.
I Have a Date
Bianca: "Oh, uh, I... I have a date."
Wesley: "Hmm?"
Bianca: "Don't do that?"
Wesley: "You do? You don't?"
Bianca: "Stop! Uh..."
Wesley: "Question?"
Bianca: "It's important?"
Wesley: "What? What do you want?"
Bianca: "Come on, please!"

When trying to ask him a question, Bianca is distracted by the shirtless Wesley constantly flexing his pecs in the locker room. She can't take him seriously like that and ends up laughing away the conversation.
I Need You to Give Me Real Talk
Bianca: "If I wanted to go shopping, I could have done that with Jess and Casey. I need you to give me real talk."
Wesley: "You've gotta a uniboob. Your posture sucks. You need to start dressing less like Wreck-It Ralph. Boom! Real talk!"

Bianca asks Wesley to be brutally honest while they are out shopping. He does not disappoint.
Party at My Place
Madison: "Girls, party at my place. I'm sure you've heard of it... Caitlyn, can you make sure you get an Instagram shot of them opening it?"
Caitlyn: "Yep, on it."
Madison: "Oh yeah, I'm doing a video about the party for my YouTube channel."
Bianca: "Whoa, wait, you're having a party on a Wednesday? On a school night?"
Madison: "Yeah, I can do that."
Bianca: "Damn, dude, all right. Well, yeah, we're in."
Madison: "Oooh, um, Bianca, you have to have an actual invite to get in and I only have a certain amount but, um, if anything changes, I'll let you know."
Casey: "Problem solved"
Bianca: "Hey, look at that."
Madison: "Wonderful"
Bianca: "Can't wait! Should I bring anything or, well, okay"

Madison is excited to announce her party, at least to Jess and Casey. Bianca isn't having any of that and ends up getting the last laugh in the face of the mean girls.
I Want to Be the Dateable One
Bianca: "I'm tired of being the approachable one. I want to be the dateable one."
Wesley: "You're asking me for dating advice today of all days? Are you kidding me?"
Bianca: "Look, I have a crush on this boy. His name is Toby Tucker. Maybe you've heard of him. Well, I can't seem to talk to him without making a total ass of myself, okay? And you never seem to have this problem."
Wesley: "Don't you hate me?"
Bianca: "I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do, but only because you're an idiot. Can we just, can we just cool off for a sec? Here's my offer. I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this."
Wesley: "You got the easy part! You can pass science in your sleep. I have to reverse DUFF you... Are you wearing pajamas?"
Bianca: "So you'll do it?"
Wesley: "Yeah"
Bianca: "Yes!"
Wesley: "On one condition, you've gotta ask me in monster voice."
Bianca: "Wesley, monster voice?"
Wesley: "Yeah"
Bianca: "From when we were little?"
Wesley: "Mmmhmm"
Bianca: "No, I don't, I don't remember it."
Wesley: "You sure?"
Bianca: "Yes, I don't, I couldn't even..."
Wesley: "Okay"
Bianca: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"

Bianca has had enough of being the undatable one of the group and enlists Wesley for help in changing her image. He will do it, on one condition.
People Like You Will Never Matter
Madison: "People like you will never matter."

Carrying her mean girl label well, Madison tells Bianca that she is nothing. While it bothers Bianca to hear such mean words, it also gives her motivation to change all of that.
You're Only as Awesome as You Think You Are
Wesley: "You need to realize you're only as awesome as you think you are."

In a moment of clarity, Wesley reminds Bianca that regardless of her appearance or what others think, if she thinks she's awesome, she is.
How Could You Guys Not Tell Me
Bianca: "How could you guys not tell me that I was your DUFF?"
Jess: "Our what?"

Bianca confronts her friends Jess and Casey about her role within their group. She doesn't want to be the DUFF but Jess and Casey play dumb about the whole situation.

16 Quotes That Prove Bender Is The Best Robot in TV History

Here are the best Bender quotes from Futurama, celebrating the most adorable, beer-drinking robot that television has ever known. What's not to love about Bender Bending Rodriguez? He's polite, charming, and treats his coworkers with the utmost respect. On second thought, Bender is the exact opposite of all those things, but hey, isn't that why we love him so much? Bender has funny lines in every single episode of Futurama, but we've rounded up Bender's greatest lines so you don't have to search for them.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-bender-quotes-from-futurama/movie-and-tv-quotes,

...this one

...and especially this one

He's got great catchphrases, like this one...

He's polite to his co-workers...

His vocabulary is fantastic

He likes getting right to the point

He treats women with the utmost respect

...extremely polite

He's old fashioned

He's very philosophical

List of the best Joe Dirt quotes, including images and videos of dialogue from each scene when available. Released in 2001, Joe Dirt starred David Spade, along with co-stars Brittany Daniels, Kid Rock, and Dennis Miller. Although it wasn't extremely popular when it first came out, Joe Dirt became a cult classic once it was released on DVD. During a quest to find his real parents, Joe encounters many classic characters, including the firework selling Indian Kicking Wing, a carny named Jill who might be his sister, and a mysterious man named Buffalo Bill who traps Joe in a well while asking him to rub lotion on his skin (sound familiar?) With countless one-liners and funny moments, Joe Dirt truly is one of the most underrated comedy movies of all time. Quotes below include the poo scene, the fireworks monologue, and much more.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-joe-dirt-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

Snakes & Sparklers
Joe Dirt: So you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on, man. You don't got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hüsker düs, hüsker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick...or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem. It's not what you like, it's the consumer.

Whaaburger and French Cries
Robby: Look at him fellas! You cryin' boy? You cryin' boy?! Maybe go back down to Mcdonalds, get you some whaaburgers and some french cries!
The Modern Era For Indians
Kicking Wing: You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoof beats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn't work anymore.

Life's A Garden
Joe Dirt: Life's a garden, dig it.
No You're Not
Robby: Did I get ya, Dirt?
Joe Dirt: Nah, I'm cool.
Robby: No you're not.

Humped By A Dog
[dog humps little Joe's leg]
Child Joe Dirt: Can I push him off of me?
Miss Clipper: He'll stop humping as soon as he's done.

You Like To See Homos Naked?
Cajun Man: [Weird Cajun accent] Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: What?
Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?
Cajun Man: No, no, no. Home. It's where you make it.
Joe Dirt: Yeah, you like to see homos naked. That's cool.
Cajun Man: No! Home is where you make it!
Joe Dirt: Oh.
Cajun Man: Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.
Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.

Say It Don't Spray it
Buffalo Bob: It puts the lotion on its skin. Now!
Joe Dirt: Well say it, don't spray it brother, Dang!
Stick Your Head Up My Butt
Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?
Why Don't You Talk Into The Microphone?
Joe Dirt: [tapping his arms] You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mike right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin' and guess what? They don't like no feedback, what's up?

In honor of it's 20th birthday, we're letting you vote on the best Billy Madison quotes for this list. Arguably Adam Sandler's best movie to date, Billy Madison is one of the most quotable comedy movies of all time. Sure, the dialogue is immature, silly, and riddled with toilet humor, but that's part of the reason why we love it so much. The cast of characters in Billy Madison is amazing, with supporting roles from comedy legends like Norm Macdonald and the late Chris Farley as the psychotic bus driver. Vote below for your favorite lines from Billy Madison, and if we're missing one, let us know in the comments so we can add it.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-billy-madison-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

That Veronica Vaughn Is One Fine Piece Of Ace
Bus Driver: Get on the bus here. Move it. Get up there. Kyle. 1, 2, 5, 7. Move it or lose it. Get on the bu-. Hi, Ms. Vaughn nice to see ya.
[talking to Billy]
Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace. I know from experience, if you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No you don't.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally, but a guy I know ... him and her got. it. on!
Billy Madison: No, they didn't.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh? Huh?

T-t-t-today Junior!
Dan: Wa-wa-wa-once th-th-th-there wa-wa-wa-was a-a-a-a g-g-girl ...who wa-a-an-
Billy Madison: Pffft! Kid can't even read.
Ernie: Cut it out dude, you're gonna get us in trouble.
Dan: An air-air-air-p-p-p-p-plane f-f-flying t-t-t ...
Billy Madison: T-t-t-today, Junior!

Shampoo Is Better
Billy: [in the bath tub] Shampoo is better! I go on first, and clean the hair!
[switches voices]
Billy: Conditioner is better, I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh really fool? Really!

If Peeing Your Pants Is Cool...
3rd Grader: Hey, look everybody! Billy peed his pants!
Billy Madison: Of course I peed my pants! Everyone my age pees their pants; it's the coolest!
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy Madison: YES! You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.
3rd Grader: Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. All right!
Old Farm Lady: If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: Oh! That was the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go!

O'Doyle Rules
Senior Year O'Doyle: O'Doyle rules!
Billy: O'Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family's going down. But for now, I gotta study.

Mortal Kombat vs Donkey Kong
Scotty: Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best video game ever.
Scotty: Donkey Kong sucks!
Billy Madison: You know somethin'? You suck!

Nudie Magazine Day
Billy: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today?
Frank: October?
Billy: It's Nudie Magazine Day!!

That's Assault, Brotha!
Kid on Bus: I dare you to touch her boobs.
Billy: Touch her boobs? That's assault, brotha!

That Damn Sasquatch!
Veronica Vaughn: Who would steal 30 bagged lunches?
(cut to bus driver, Jack and Frank eating the lunches)
Old Farm Lady: I'll tell you who took those lunches. That damn Sasquatch!

Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholoson?
Frank: Hey Billy, who would you rather bone? Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy: Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
Frank: '74.
Billy: Meg Ryan.

List of the best Ron Swanson GIFs of all time, along with quotes and memes as well. Although Parks and Recreation is sadly nearing it's final episode, we've decided to honor the show's best character with a list of his greatest lines. After all, what's not to love about Ron? He loves whiskey, bacon, woodworking, and he's not afraid to tell you how it is. Played by the hilarious Nick Offerman, Ron Swanson has sort of become a symbol of the working man in modern day America. A typical Ron Swanson GIF involves him either insulting someone's intelligence, or proclaiming his love for anything that is considered manly.
http://www.ranker.com/list/best-ron-swanson-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes, quotations, tv, television, gifs, other,

Clearly a whiskey man

He's not afraid of a little work

Never leave anything to chance

No, there really isn't

No seriously...all of them

Such a party animal

Thanks Ron!

Take 'em down a peg

Yes, yes they are

He's a human, dammit

The Best Bad Reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey reviews are coming in and they are wonderful. (Not, like, actually wonderful, of course. Just wonderful to read.) It seems like the slow bits of the two-hour-long S&M melodrama gave critics plenty of time to construct the perfect diss in their head before jotting it down and sharing with the entire Internet. Like the film, these bad Fifty Shades of Grey reviews are far from subtle and are super-entertaining in an, "I'm cringing, but this is kind of awesome" sort of way. Yes, there are some good reviews of 50 Shades out there, but here we've pulled one-liners from the best negative reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey because, please, that's way more fun.

If you're not the cynical type and want to make your mind up yourself, go on over to this Fifty Shades of Grey movie quotes list and re-live all of the magic between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. Saw the movie and loved it? Let us know in the comments. If you loved this list, you may also enjoy The Hottest Things That Aren't Christian Grey.

http://www.ranker.com/list/funny-fifty-shades-of-grey-reviews/elise, quotations, people,

About as erotic as an ad for Pottery Barn

COULD SOMEONE GET THAT GIRL A CHAPSTICK?

For a movie where people are naked for a large chunk of time and play at bondage and dominance. . . it sure is boring.

A flaccid S and M movie that's more infuriating than titillating? Happy Valentine's Day.

What's important is that the novel began life as Twilight fan fiction. That tells you everything you need to know.

It's tame enough to make Tyrion Lannister of Game of Thrones smirk.

Unofficially titled, 'So, Can I Spank You or What?'

. . . Viewers will be seeking a safe word to escape this two-hour-plus mess of half-baked excess.

. . . As exciting as a rectal exam

Easily amongst the seven or eight best Hollywood productions ever made about a woman contemplating whether or not to sign a dominant/submissive contract.

McFarland, USA movie quotes tell the true story of the 1987 McFarland High School cross country team. The sports drama was written by Christopher Cleveland, Bettina Gilois and Grant Thompson. Directed by Niki Caro, McFarland, USA opened in theaters on February 20, 2015.

In McFarland, USA, Jim White (Kevin Costner) takes a job as the physical education teacher at a predominantly Latino high school in McFarland, California. While he struggles with racial barriers which prevent him from truly connecting with the students, he does notice that they have a remarkable work ethic, going from school to working in the fields to running home, and an astounding athletic ability to run, which gives him an idea.

Coach White starts the school's first cross country running team and trains them for the state championship. While they have no experience and little funding, especially in comparison to nearby affluent schools, they do have the drive and the motivation to work hard for their goals, which might be better than winning all together.

Maria Bello, Morgan Saylor and Carlos Pratts co-star in the film which opens alongside other February 2015 movies such as Hot Tub Time Machine 2, The DUFF, Kingsmen: The Secret Service, and Fifty Shades of Grey.
http://www.ranker.com/list/mcfarland-usa-movie-quotes/movie-and-tv-quotes,

Cross Country Running
Jim White: "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
Principal Camillo: "Yeah"
Jim White: "You mind if I shut the door?"
Principal Camillo: "This requires a shut door?"
Jim White: "Cross country running, California's holding their first state championship this year."
Principal Camillo: "Cross country, that's a private school sport. They breathe different air than we do."
Jim White: "Come on, it's the same air."
Principal Camillo: "You do understand we don't have a cross country team?"
Jim White: "Yeah, what I don't understand is why we have a football team instead. I mean, we have, we have kids here who seem like they can run forever. They carboload on rice and beans. They pick in extreme heat. They go to school all day. Some of them even run home. I've seen it. It's unbelievable."
Principal Camillo: "Yeah, and you've just described half the kids in the central valley. Jim, let me ask you something. You've coached cross country before?"
Jim White: "No"
Principal Camillo: "Track?"
Jim White: "No"
Principal Camillo: "But you ran, competed in high school maybe?"
Jim White: "No"
Principal Camillo: "Well, you sound perfect."

Coach White approaches the school principal to propose creating a cross country team. While Jim has no experience with the sport and the sport really isn't suited for their student body affluence, the principal gives him the go ahead anyway.
You're My Anchor
Victor Puentes: "Danny Diaz?"
David Diaz: "Hey, we needed seven."
Victor Puentes: "Yeah, seven runners, not six runners and Danny Diaz."
Jim White: "Hey, Danny's our anchor."
Victor Puentes: "Yeah, and he'll drag our ass down."
Jim White: "All right, knock it off, Puentes. Let's see if those legs work as fast as your mouth. Elmo Bridge and back, go! Go!"
Jim White: "Hey, I mean it. You're my anchor, Danny, and not because you're fat. You are a little fat, okay, so you better lose some weight."
Danny: "So, why am I running?"
Jim White: "Cause you're going to hold this team straight. If I lose you, I'll lose your brothers. You're important, Diaz. Let's go."

Coach White explains to Danny his very important part on the team. Danny might not be the fastest runner in the bunch, but he is the glue that holds the team together, which is equally as vital.
Nothing American Dream About This Place
Thomas: "No one stays in McFarland unless they have to. There ain't nothing American dream about this place."

Thomas breaks things down for Coach White. The town of McFarland isn't what they dreamt about when they thought about America and no one stays there by choice for this very reason.
Lowest Score Wins
Jim White: "Okay, here we go. Remember, scoring's based on your individual places, all right. You finish first, that's a one. Second that's a two and so on. The team with the lowest combined score for their top five runners wins."
David: "So the lowest score wins?"
Jim White: "That's right. It's like golf."
Victor Puentes: "You think we play golf?"
Thomas: "We don't got a country club. We don't even got a Kmart."
Sammy: "I bet he plays golf."
Danny: "Hold on, my score don't count? Why am I even here?"
Sammy: "To make us look faster."
Jim White: "All right, look, just try to remember, lowest score wins. You get ahead of any of their top five guys, that adds points to their total, even you, Danny. Got it? It doesn't matter. Let's go show them how it's done."

Coach White tries to use a golf analogy to get the team members to understand how cross country scoring works. Unfortunately, they don't golf to get the reference but in the end, they understand how it works.
Which Runners Can Handle the Pain
Jim White: "This is going to come down to which runners can handle the pain. Let's hit it again."

Coach White turns cross country running into a mental challenge from a physical one when he tells the runners that it's all about handling the pain. While they might not be the fastest, they can arrive as the best-conditioned team, which will go in their favor.
I'd Like to Ask Your Father Something
Jim White: "Can I give you a hand with those tubs. I'm saying, can I help you out?"
Señor Diaz: "No, gracias"
Jim White: "David, I'd like you to ask your father something for me."
David: "Yeah"
Jim White: "You know what, just tell him, just tell him it was an honor to be invited into his home."
David: "Dad, he said it was an honor to be invited into your home."
Señor Diaz: "Tell him I say thanks."
Jim White: "I'm sorry, I thought you..."
Señor Diaz: "I get by."
Jim White: "Thank you for your hospitality."

Coach White mistakenly thinks that Señor Diaz doesn't speak English and asks David to translate. David does just that.
Fourth Place
Cheryl White: "Fourth place, that's not too shabby."
Jim White: "Fourth out of four, also known as last."

Wife Cheryl tries to reassure Jim that their fourth place finish is not that bad considering they are a brand new team. Jim, however, reminds her that when you place fourth out of four, that's the same as last place.
Food Off Our Table
Señor Diaz: "Mr. White, each hour that my boys train with you, they do not work with me. That's food off our table."

Not everyone in town supports the idea of the cross country team, Señor Diaz included. As Mr. Diaz explains, time spent away from the fields affects their family's income, which is something to consider.
Welcome to McFarland
Lupe: "Welcome to McFarland. This is a farming town. These kids working here are invisible. They come from the fields and they go back to the fields. These are good kids, smart kids. They just need a chance at a better future. Mr. White, if we're going to reach them, now is the time."

Jim White is introduced to the school at which he will be teaching by a fellow educator. She explains how these students may be a little different than those he's taught before but they are not without merit or potential.
Run a Lap
Jim White: "I'm Coach White, the new PE teacher. Diaz... Diaz... Diaz... Popular name where you guys come from?"
Victor Puentes: "White, that a popular name where you come from?"
Jim White: "All right, run a lap. Go!"

Coach White tries to make a joke during his first day of class, a joke that is handed right back to him. This exercise, however, allows him to see that these students have an athletic ability to run, one he might be able to put to use.

Focus movie quotes follow what happens when one successful con man's game is thrown off by a beautiful blond. The romantic comedy was written and directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. Focus opened in theaters on February 27, 2015.

In Focus, Nicky Spurgeon (Will Smith) is an accomplished con man who has build up quite a successful and well known career in the game. Nicky meets Jess Barrett (Margot Robbie) and takes her under his wing after seeing potential in her. All is going well until the two get a little closer than Nicky would like, specifically romantically, leading Nicky to leave her.

Years later, the two run into one another when Nicky is involved in a long con with an international race car owner (Gerald McRaney and Rodrigo Santoro). While Jess swears that she's on Nicky's side and too is conning the billionaire, in a business like Nicky's where loyalty and trust are non-existent, it's hard to know on which side she truly lies.

Focus opens in theaters alongside a handful of other highly anticipated movies such as Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Kingsmen: The Secret Service, McFarland, USA, and Fifty Shades of Grey.
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There's a Science
Nicky: "I can convince anyone of anything. I once convinced a man that a warehouse was the Federal Reserve. So I'm good."
Jess: "You're Nicky Spurgeon. They call you the best inside man that's ever been."
Nicky: "There's a science to getting people to trust you and then you move in for the kill. It's all about emotion, connection."

Though Nicky and Jess get to know one another, Jess already knows a bit about Nicky's reputation in the game. Nicky does not deny that he's good at what he does and sees potential in Jess as well.
What About the Big Con?
Jess: "What about the big con?"
Nicky: "Oh, you mean the one where we make so much money we all retire?"

Jess isn't satisfied with simple jobs, pickpocketing and the like. She wants a big job, one that could set them up for life. Nicky has something in mind but it doesn't necessarily involve her.
Been in This Game a Really Long Time
Nicky: "Been in this game a really long time. I had what I needed and then a girl walked in."

Nicky explains briefly his experience in the con game. All was well and he was on top of his game, that was until Jess came into his life.
Cannot Believe You Lied to Me
Nicky: "I cannot believe you lied to me."
Jess: "You can't believe I lied?"
Nicky: "I can't believe it."
Jess: "Oh, that's so rich from you."
Nicky: "That's what you want to say to me?"
Jess: "Yeah, cause you're always lying, Nicky, and now we're dead."

When they are captured, Jess and Nicky trade the blame of lying to one another. While he always lies to her, he's disappointed when she lies back.
You Lost Everyone's Money
Jess: "You lost everyone's money, my money. I think you are losing it."

Jess is alarmed to learn that Nicky has lost all of their money. Whether she believes he did it intentionally as a con or thinks it was chance is still unknown.
I Wouldn't Trust Him
Jess: "Are you working an angle?"
Nicky: "I wouldn't trust him if I were you."
Jess: "But I should trust you?"

Nicky, working a big job with a race car owner, is surprised to see old friend Jess with his mark. They exchange a few words about trust, something neither of them know much about.
I Want In
Jess: "I know you're doing something big. I want in. Can we skip the part where I lead you to believe there is some earth-shattering hump in the works?"
Nicky: "There's no earth-shattering hump in the works?!"
Jess: "No"
Nicky: "I don't even get thinly veiled allure?"
Jess: "No"
Nicky: "That's some of my favorite s***."
Jess: "I'm sorry"

Jess knows Nicky has something up his sleeve and wants in. She also wants to skip the foreplay with Nicky and get right down to business. Poor Nicky, missing his favorite part.
You Hitting That?
Farhad: "Who's the girl?"
Nicky: "Her name is Jess. She's our intern."
Farhad: "You hitting that?"
Jess: "Hi, I'm right here!"
Nicky: "No, Farhad, I'm not hitting that."
Farhad: "You should hit that."

Farhad, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that Jess is in the car with them, asks Nicky if he and Jess are romantically involved. When Nicky responds no, Farhad suggests they should be.
Never Drop the Con
Jess: "So, what now?"
Nicky: "Can I walk you somewhere?"
Jess: "I'm staying here... upstairs."
Nicky: "Oh, really"
...
Jess: "Oh my god! It's my husband."
Nicky: "Whoa!"
Jared: "Give me one reason why I shouldn't do it."
Nicky: "I'm drawing a blank."
Jared: "What?"
Jess: "He's onto us."
Nicky: "First of all, you've gotta wait until she gets my pants off and then you gotta give me a chance to run. That's how you get the money. Never drop the con. Die with the lie."
Jess: "Then why'd you come up here?"
Nicky: "Professional curiosity and I like boobs. I figured it was a win-win."

In their first meeting, Jess and Jared try to con and rob Nicky. Little do they know, he was aware of their plan the whole time and only motivated by curiosity and boobs.
Two Kinds of People in This World
Nicky: "There's two kinds of people in this world. There's hammers and there's nails. You decide which one you want to be. There's no room for heart in this game. It will get you killed."

Nicky gives Jess a choice on how she wants to live her life. She can be the hammer or the nail. It's her choice, but she needs to leave her heart out of it either way.

The Lazarus Effect movie quotes bring the thrills when a team of researchers test a serum to bring people back from the dead with horrifying consequences. The film was directed by David Gelb using a screenplay by Luke Dawson and Jeremy Slater. The Lazarus Effect opened in theaters on February 27, 2015.

In The Lazarus Effect, engaged couple Zoe (Olivia Wilde) and Frank (Mark Duplass), along with Niko (Donald Glover), Clay (Evan Peters) and Eva (Sarah Bolger), have developed the Lazarus serum which is intended to attempt to bring humans and animals back from the dead. They test the serum on a dog and find that while it does bring the dog back to life after death, further testing is needed. So they recreate the experiment but in doing so, Zoe is fatally electrocuted.

In a moment of panic having lost the woman he loves, Frank makes the unilateral decision to use the Lazarus serum on Zoe to bring her back to life. It is successful, however, Zoe seems different. Her strange and plain scary behavior, along with her claims that while dead she visited hell, soon lead them all to believe that their actions in playing god with life and death have some serious and horrifying consequences.

The Lazarus Effect hits theaters already buzzing with other great films such as Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Kingsmen: The Secret Service, McFarland, USA, and Fifty Shades of Grey.
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You Have No Idea What You've Done
Niko: "Zoe, we can help you."
Zoe: "It's too late for that. You have no idea what you've done, but you will."

Niko tries to reason with a clearly possessed Zoe. She's not hearing any of that, as her evil voice soon makes very clear.
I Went Somewhere
Zoe: "I went somewhere."
Frank: "That was a dream!"
Zoe: "No, it was hell!"

Zoe has memories of a fiery place, memories Frank thinks was just a bad dream. Zoe has another theory, that when she died she visited hell.
You Are Playing God
Doctor: "You are playing god with a bunch of dead animals."

Zoe is confronted with the ethical angle of what she and the team are doing. They are essentially playing god, which might be something they can do but might not be necessarily something they should do.
Zoe's Been Electrocuted
Clay: "We're going to duplicate the experiment."
Zoe: "Three... two... one..."
Frank: "Zoe! She's been electrocuted! Clear!"
...
Frank: "I'm not going to lose her."
Eva: "You're talking of bringing someone back from the dead."
Clay: "No! No!"

Duplicating their experiment on the dog causes Zoe to be fatally electrocuted in the process. Immediately, fiancé Frank cannot accept this reality and decides on his own to use the serum to bring her back to life.
We Have to Be Ready for the Answers
Zoe: "If we are going to be asking the questions, we have to be ready for the answers."

Zoe reminds Frank that if they are going to continue their research, they need to keep an open mind for the results, even if they are evil and far from what they hoped them to be.
Did I Just Die?
Frank: "Hey, hey. it's me. Hey, sweetheart, it's me. She's in shock. I need a blanket please."
Eve: "Yeah"
Frank: "Baby, it's me. You're okay."
Eve: "Frank"
Frank: "Give me the blanket. Hurry up."
Eve: "I can't find it."
Frank: "It's right over there. It's in the top..."
Zoe: "Did I just die?"

Frank attempts to comfort Zoe, who has just been revived from the dead. Zoe does not take this shock too well.
The Lazarus Serum
Frank: "This whole process started with the Lazarus serum. The goal here is to bring someone back from the dead."

Speaking for a video they are creating, Frank explains the general idea behind their experiments. They want to test their Lazarus serum to see if it can bring life to those who've died. Surely that won't end badly, right?
No Effect
Zoe: "Event one in three... two... one..."
Frank: "No effect"
Niko: "Maybe if we up the dosage and next time..."

The team tests the Lazarus serum on a dog and initially think that it does not work. After they wait a few moments, however, the dog comes back to life.
Too Much Neural Activity
Clay: "Whoa, that's too much neural activity."
Frank: "What the hell is going on here?"

While doing a brain scan of the revived dog, Clay notices enhanced neural activity. Frank can't understand it, which isn't surprising since they are in virgin territory with their experiments.
That's Not Zoe in There
Frank: "That's not Zoe in there."

Frank restates the obvious when noting that the Zoe he formerly knew and loved is not the Zoe they see now. The Lazarus experiment has changed her and not in a good way.

Maps to the Stars movie quotes tell the satirical tale of a washed up actress who hires the daughter of a highly dysfunctional Hollywood family. The drama was written by Bruce Wagner and directed by David Cronenberg. Maps to the Stars first premiered at the 2014 Cannes Film Festival before an American theatrical release on February 27, 2015.

In Maps to the Stars, aging actress Havana Segrand (Julianne Moore), hoping to break out of the shadow of her late mother, Clarice Taggart (Sarah Gadon), who famously died in a fire, looks to revive her career by taking a role in a remake of her mother's film playing the same character. She discusses this opportunity with television psychologist Dr. Stafford Weiss (John Cusack) and mentions to him that she's recently hired a new assistant, Agatha (Mia Wasikowska), who was also burned in a fire.

This interests Dr. Weiss, who, along with wife Christina (Olivia Williams), have an estranged daughter with the similar history. While Stafford and Christina try to control their teen son Benjie (Evan Bird), who just left rehab, they live in fear of Agatha's return to their lives after their horrific history together. Meanwhile, Havana continues to hallucinate her mother and begins a sexual relationship with Agatha's love interest, Jerome (Robert Pattinson), a move that only further disturbs the toxic relationship the characters have with one another.

Maps to the Stars brings a unique commentary on the entertainment world to the big screen as it opens alongside the likes of The Lazarus Effect, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, McFarland, USA, and Fifty Shades of Grey.
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This Isn't a Very Glamorous Job
Havana Segrand: "This isn't a very glamorous job."
Agatha Weiss: "I would be the most loyal, the most competent, most grateful personal assistant you've ever had."

After being recommended by Carrie Fisher, who has a cameo playing herself, Agatha goes to work as the personal assistant to Havana. Agatha claims she will work very hard and truly needs the work so Havana agrees to take a chance on the girl.
What's So Cavalier About This?
Cristina Weiss: "What is she doing here?"
Dr. Stafford Weiss: "Maybe she's sightseeing"
Cristina Weiss: "What is so cavalier about this?"

Christina freaks out a little when she learns that estranged daughter Agatha is back in their lives. She doesn't understand why her husband, Stafford, isn't taking this more seriously.
I Requested You
Havana Segrand: "I hope you don't mind that I requested you."

In a plot twist, Havana requests chauffeur Jarome to drive her then begins a sexual relationship with him. This complicates their relationships with her assistant, Agatha, who also has a romantic relationship with the driver.
Where'd You Come From?
Jerome Fontana: "Where'd you come in from?"
Agatha Weiss: "Jupiter"
Jerome Fontana: "Now that you're in tinseltown, what are you going to do?"

Agatha arrives in Los Angeles and sparks up a conversation with chauffeur Jerome. Agatha seems to have something off about her and that something goes way further than her visible burn scars.
Essentially Playing Your Mother
Dr. Stafford Weiss: "Your mother, of course, was Clarice Taggart, the wonderful actress who died tragically in a freak fire. What is it like starring in a remake of a movie and essentially playing your mother?"
Havana Segrand: "Scary"

TV psychologist Dr. Stafford Weiss interviews Havana regarding Havana's role in a remake of her late mother's movie, where Havana would play the same role her mother did. While the role itself isn't scary to her, but her lingering issues with her mother, including hallucinations of her mother, are the terrifying parts.
You Blame Yourself
Clarice Taggart: "You blame yourself for the night I burned, don't you?"

In a hallucination, Havana sees her late mother, Clarice. Havana has unresolved issues regarding her mother's death, which clearly are leading to disturbances to her mental state.
She Was Burned in a Fire
Havana Segrand: "I hired a girl. It's amazing."
Dr. Stafford Weiss: "Why is it amazing?"
Havana Segrand: "She was burned in a fire."

Havana explains to Dr. Weiss the unique connection she has to her new assistant, Agatha. Agatha was badly burned in a fire, similar to Havana's mother, who was killed in a fire.
Because of What You Did
Dr. Stafford Weiss: "I told you to stay away from us."
Cristina Weiss: "I was afraid, because of what you did."

Dr. Weiss and Christina confront Agatha about why she has returned to their lives after some time of estrangement. Christina reaffirms that Agatha is not welcome there, citing Agatha's past actions as the reason.
I Think She May Be Back
Dr. Stafford Weiss: "I think she may be back. I don't know if she's dangerous."

Dr. Weiss explains to wife Christina and son Benjie that their broken and estranged daughter, Agatha, may have returned to their lives. The family didn't disburse on good terms, making Agatha's return potentially dangerous.
I Just Can't Take it Anymore, Jacob
Havana Segrand: "I thought that Gary Marshall was going to be there, that it was a meet. I didn't know that I was going to have to read and then they gave me the wrong drive on and I had to walk like a mile. I stank by the time I got there and then the casting director, who I know doesn't even acknowledge me, she just walks right by without saying a word and then she tells me that she doesn't even know if Gary knows I'm coming in. It's Gary Marshall, not Bartolucci. His movies don't make money anymore and I know Gary. And then says they want to put me on tape and I'm like 'excuse me, but you need special makeup for that or you look green' and she says, 'you can either tape or not' like it's all some pointless exercise and I just can't take it anymore, Jacob! I'm so tired and it's so pathetic."

Havana has a small meltdown after a poor experience at a casting. She feels entitled to a better experience than she received and is irate that she was treated so badly.

The best American Psycho quotes detail the often graphic and homicidal thoughts of serial killer Patrick Bateman. The horror comedy movie was directed by Mary Harron using a screenplay she and Guinevere Turner adapted from a novel of the same name by Bret Easton Ellis. American Psycho opened in theaters on April 14, 2000, and soon became a cult classic.

In American Psycho, well off investment banker Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) seems to have it all in life in the 1980s. He has a good job, fancy apartment in Manhattan, good looks and a beautiful fiancé, Evelyn (Reese Witherspoon). But he also lives a second life as a serial killer. From the bums he kills in dark alleys to the prostitutes he slaughters with chainsaws, killing is as much a part of his life as is his love for music, especially Huey Lewis and the News, Phil Collins and Whitney Houston.

So when Patrick becomes jealous of a coworker, Paul Allen (Jared Leto), it doesn't take long for Patrick to lure a drunken Paul to his apartment, put on a raincoat and kill him with an axe. Soon an investigator (Willem Dafoe) comes looking for answers on Paul's disappearance, leading Patrick on a killing spree with many in his path.

If you love American Psycho as much as Patrick Bateman loves returning video tapes, and really, who doesn't? then vote for your favorite American Psycho movie quotes all right here!
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It Even Has a Watermark
Patrick Bateman: New card. What do you think?
Allen: Whoa-ho, very nice. Look at that.
Patrick Bateman: Picked them up from the printer's yesterday.
Van Patten: Good coloring.
Patrick Bateman: That's 'Bone'. And the lettering is something called 'Silian Rail'.
Van Patten: It's very cool, Bateman...but that's nothing. Look at this.
(Van Patten removes his card from its holder)
Bryce: That is really nice.
Van Patten: 'Eggshell', with 'Ramalian' type. What do you think?
Patrick Bateman: ...Nice.
Bryce: Jesus. That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?
Patrick Bateman: [internal monologue]: I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine.
Bryce: But wait, you ain't seen nothing yet.
(Bryce removes his card from its holder)
Bryce: Raised lettering, 'Pale Nimbus'. White.
Patrick Bateman: Impressive. Very nice. ...Let's see Paul Allen's card.
(Bryce slowly reveals Paul Allen's card)
Patrick Bateman: [internal monologue]: Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God; It even has a watermark.
(Bateman seethes)
Carruthers: Something wrong? ...Patrick? You're sweating.

There is an Idea of Patrick Bateman
Patrick Bateman: There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.
Return Some Video Tapes
Patrick Bateman: I have to return some videotapes.
You Like Huey Lewis and the News?
Patrick Bateman: You like Huey Lewis and the News?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore!, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. [rapidly, as if agitated] But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. [raises axe above head] Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Patrick Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

I Like to Dissect Girls
Patrick Bateman: I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?
A Lot More Important Problems Than Sri Lanka
Patrick Bateman: Come on, Bryce. There are a lot more important problems than Sri Lanka to worry about.
Bryce: Like what?
Patrick Bateman: Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.

Not if You Want to Keep Your Spleen
Waiter: Would you like to hear today's specials?
Patrick Bateman: Not if you want to keep your spleen.

My Confession Has Meant Nothing
Patrick Bateman: There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.
I Don't Think We Should See Each Other Anymore
Patrick Bateman: I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Evelyn: Why? What's wrong?
Patrick Bateman: My need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected, but, ah, I have no other way to fulfill my needs.
Evelyn: What about the past?
Patrick Bateman: We never really shared one.
Evelyn: You're inhuman.
Patrick Bateman: No...I'm in touch with humanity. Evelyn, i'm sorry, i just uh...You're not terribly important to me.

What Ed Gein Said About Women
Patrick Bateman: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
Van Patten: Ed Gein? Maitre d' at Canal Bar?
Patrick Bateman: No, serial killer, Wisconsin in the fifties.
McDermott: So what did Ed say?
Patrick Bateman: When I see a pretty girl walking down the street I think two things. One part of me wants to take her out and talk to her and be real nice and sweet and treat her right.
McDermott: And what did the other part think?
Patrick Bateman: What her head would look like on a stick. [chuckles]

The best Elf quotes are those hilarious one-liners as Buddy, a human raised by elves, journeys from the North Pole to New York City to meet his dad. The comedy film was directed by Jon Favreau using a screenplay by David Berenbaum. Spreading Christmas cheer for all to hear, Elf opened in theaters on November 7, 2003.

In Elf, Buddy (Will Ferrell), a 30-some-year-old human who was raised as an elf at the North Pole, learns one day at Santa's Workshop that he is not an elf, rather a human who was abandoned as a baby. Santa (Ed Asner) explains that his father, who is on the naughty list, is Walter Hobbs (James Caan) who lives in New York City. Distraught, Buddy leaves Santa, Papa Elf (Bob Newhart) and his other North Pole friends to journey to the magical land of New York City.

But things are not as cheery as Buddy had hoped in the big city. While he does meet his father, his father's wife (Mary Steenburgen) and a half-brother (Daniel Tay), Buddy soon finds himself ill prepared for the real world. Thankfully, he does make one friend, a young woman who shares his affinity for elf culture, Jovie (Zooey Deschanel). But when Santa arrives in New York City and needs Buddy's help, Buddy finds out that his unique set of skills are something to be proud of.

Elf is just one of several great Christmas films from throughout the years and a favorite of fans everywhere. What's your favorite Elf movie quote? Don't be a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, vote for your favorites all right here!
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Santa's Got a Brand New Bag
Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
Buddy: I heard you singing.
Jovie: You sure had it nothing to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?
Buddy: I didn't know you were naked. Why were you here so early?
Jovie: They shut my water off. What were you doing here?
Buddy: Building this.
Jovie: You built this? They're kinda pissed about this.
Gimbel's Manager: Hey guys. Have you seen the place? It's pretty good. It's a little too good. Corporate must have sent in a professional. I don't know why somebody's gunning for my job. But look, let's remain a team, okay? Cause if I go, we all go. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three. Code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag." Okay? Six inch ribbon curls, honey.
Jovie: But that's impossible.
Gimbel's Manager: SIX... inches
Buddy: By the way, you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world.

You Sit on a Throne of Lies
Buddy: Yeah, Santa! It's me, Buddy! It's me!
Gimbel's Santa: Hey, Buddy. How are you doing?
Buddy: Santa, it's me... Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talking about? I'm Santa Claus.
Buddy: No, you're not!
Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Gimbel's Santa: Um, "Happy Birthday" of course! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. So, uh, how old are you son?
Kid with Santa: Four.
Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?
Kid with Santa: Paul.
Gimbel's Santa: And, uh, what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy: Paul, don't tell him what you want. He's a liar.
Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, zippy!
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.
Buddy: You're a fake.
Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?
Buddy: Yes!
Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh?
Kid with Santa: Fake?
Gimbel's Santa: No, he's kidding.
Buddy: You stink.
Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don`t smell like Santa.
Gimbel's Santa: OK.
Buddy: HE`S AN IMPOSTER, HE`S NOT SANTA!!!

Sorry That I Ruined Your Lives
Buddy: I'm sorry that I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies in the VCR. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I'll never forget you. Love, Buddy.
You Sure Like Sugar, Huh?
Emily: You sure like sugar, huh?
Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?
Emily: Yes.
Buddy: Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins
Buddy: Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toymaker in the world! I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
Smiling's My Favorite
Buddy: Wow, what's this?
Gimbel's Manager: This is the North Pole.
Buddy: No, it's not.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
Buddy: No, it's not.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
Buddy: No, it isn't.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
Buddy: No, it's not. Where's the snow?
Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy: I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite!
Gimbel's Manager: Make work your favorite. That's your favorite, okay? Work is your new favorite.
Buddy: Fine.
Gimbel's Manager: It's time for an announcement. Okay, people! Tomorrow morning, 10 A.M., Santa Claus is coming to town!
Buddy: SANTA!!!!! Oh my god! Santa here? I know him! I know him!

The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer
Buddy: Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.
Jovie: Go away.
Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
Jovie: I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.
Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.
Buddy: No, there's not. Wait... I'm singing! I'm in a store and I'm singing! I'm in a store and I'm singing!
Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!
Buddy: Yes, there is!
Gimbel's Manager: No, there's not!
Buddy: We sing all the time!
Gimbel's Manager: No, there's not!
Buddy: Especially when we build toys! See?

A Tribe of Asparagus Children
Miles Finch: It's just one of those ideas, I'm just psyched out of my mind about...ya' know, it's just one of those ideas where you're like, YES!
Eugene: What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells.

Not Now, Arctic Puffin!
Puffin: Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries?
Buddy: Not now Arctic Puffin!
A Christmas Gram
Deb: Mr. Hobbes? It's me on the intercom.
Walter Hobbes: Yeah?
Deb: I think someone sent you a Christmas gram.
Buddy: DAD!!!!

The best Half Baked quotes bring the hilarious one-liners and favorite scenes from the stoner comedy film which follows a group of buddies who sell marijuana to free their friend from jail. The film was directed by Tamra Davis using a screenplay by Dave Chappelle and Neal Brennan. Half Baked was panned by critics when it opened on January 16, 1988, but soon became a cult favorite.

In Half Baked, a group of stoners, Thurgood (Dave Chappelle), Scarface (Guillermo Diaz), Brian (Jim Breuer) and Kenny (Harland Williams) all live and smoke together. When an honest mistake during a munchie run results in Kenny killing a diabetic police horse, he is sent to jail. The remaining guys try to raise money to free Kenny and make the choice to sell marijuana, which Thurgood steals from the lab where Thurgood works.

Initially their Mr. Nice Guy business is a success and they meet a number of interesting smokers (Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Jon Stewart, Stephen Baldwin and Janeane Garagalo all cameo) but this also angers rival drug dealer, Samson (Clarence Williams III). To survive, and get Kenny out of jail, Thurgood, Scarface and Kenny are forced to work with the police to set up Samson, a task that is dangerous, especially when one member, Thurgood, is trying to quit weed to get a girl, Mary Jane (Rachel True).

Half Baked might not have been a favorite among critics but the zany quotes from the comedy have stood the test of time. Which Half Baked quote is your favorite? Vote for all the Half Baked movie quotes you love best right here.
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Butternuts!
Kenny: I love horses.
Cop: I love horses.
Kenny: I love buttered stuff.
Cop: Buttercup!
Kenny: Butternuts!
Cop: Buttercup!!!
Kenny: Cup!

Abba Zabba
Thurgood: Abba Zabba, you my only friend.
I Used to Suck D*** for Coke
Thurgood: I'm here today because I'm addicted to marijuana.
Rehab Patient: You in here 'cuz of marijuana?! Man, this is some bulls***!
Cocaine Addict: Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck d*** for coke.
Rehab Patient: I seen him do it!
Cocaine Addict: Now that's an addiction, man. You ever suck some d*** for marijuana?
Thurgood: No, I can't say I have.
Cocaine Addict: I didn't think so.
Rehab Patient: Boo this man!

I Wanna Talk to Samson!
Sir Smoke-Alot: Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!
I Know This Isn't Your Responsibility...
Scientist: Janitor? Uh, janitor?
Thurgood: Ah! Oh..sorry 'bout that. What is it, scientist?
Scientist: I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh, could you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor.
Thurgood: Just run this down?
Scientist: Yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P.
Thurgood: Gotcha. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this s*** up. I'll be right back.

The Back of the $20 Bill... on Weed
Enhancement Smoker: You ever see the back of a $20 bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy s***, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! Red team, go! Red team, go!
Hey Girl, You Hungry?
Kenny: Hey girl, you hungry?
Overweight Woman: Fuck you, n****!

One Heifer With Cheese
Employee: One heifer with cheese.
Scarface: I'm right behind you, yo. Turn around and ask me for a heifer with cheese, yo. Why you gotta make me feel inferior cause I'm on the grill, B? Damn!
Employee: Sorry!
...
Employee: Still waiting on that heifer, Julio.
Scarface: F*** you, f*** you, f*** you, you're cool, and f*** you, I'm out!
Smoked Yourself Retarted
Brian: I'll pretend I'm Jamaican, man! Yeah!
Thurgood: You have smoked yourself retarded!

We Callin' Dominoes
Brian: Get some...sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dazs ice-cream bars, a whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn, graham crackers!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows, little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and we'll make some s'mores, man. Celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, we need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, water, a whole lotta water and.......Funyuns.
Kenny: That's it?
Thurgood: Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, p****.
Kenny: You got it... Hey, if I`m not back in 10 minutes, call the police.
Thurgood: If he ain't back in 10 minutes, we callin' Dominoes!

The best Fight Club movie quotes take viewers inside the head of the film's protagonist as he develops a fight club to escape the boredom of his average life. The drama film, which was directed by David Fincher, was adapted into a screenplay by Jim Uhls from the novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk. Opening to mixed reviews and some controversial chatter on October 15, 1999, Fight Club went on to become a beloved cult classic that is still frequently quoted to this day.

In Fight Club, the narrator (Edward Norton) explains his white collar life working for a major automotive company. Unable to treat his insomnia, he begins visiting support groups for various ailments where he meets lady friend Marla (Helena Bonham Carter) and finally finds an emotional release to allow him to sleep. During a flight, the narrator meets Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) and in a moment of need, asks to stay at Tyler's home, something Tyler agrees to.

The narrator soon learns that Tyler lives an extraordinary life, including operating a fight club where grown men attend to fist fight with one another. He also learns that Tyler is operating an anti-corporate organization, Project Mayhem, which seeks to destroy companies that force us to define ourselves by materialistic achievements. This combination of Marla, and her various chemical additives, and Tyler's army of Project Mayhem soldiers (including Meat Loaf and Jared Leto) proves to be quite the eye-opening experience that changes them all, and the world, forever.

While the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club, that's not stopping us from ranking the best Fight Club movie quotes all right here. And if this is your first time, you have to rank your favorite Fight Club quotes.
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Selling Rich Women Their Own Fat Asses
Narrator: Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.
I Am Jack's Colon
Narrator: I am Jack's colon.
Tyler Durden: I get cancer, I kill Jack.
My Suitcase Was Vibrating?
Narrator: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually, throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But … every once in a while … it's a dildo. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never … your dildo.
Narrator: I don't own a dildo!

Could You Wake Up as a Different Person?
Narrator: You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
Since Grade School
Marla Singer: My God. I haven't been f***ed like that since grade school.
Single Serving Friends
Narrator: Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.
Bob Had Bitch T***
Narrator: Bob had bitch t***.
His Name is Robert Paulson
Fight Club Members: His name is Robert Paulson.
The First Rule of Fight Club
Tyler Durden: Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells "stop!", goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.
Only After You've Lost Everything
Tyler Durden: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

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